Netflix recently rolled out Brene Brown’s special A Call to Courage with the premise of living a courageous life. The special shines a light on imperfections, vulnerability, and courage. Which is everything women need during the divorce process.
Step Out of Isolation.
All too often women are experiencing divorce in isolation. Which is counterintuitive because we heal with connection. I encourage you to select your safe tribe of people to support you and bring light to your darkness. Watch out for boundaries blur, which is when you are sharing everything with everyone. Your story is your power, share it thoughtfully and purposefully. Stepping out of isolation may create a feeling of discomfort; but as I share with my patients, discomfort is the catalyst to growth. “You can choose courage or comfort but you cannot choose both.” Dr. Brene Brown.
Cultivating your own intuition.
You may wonder how intuition creates courage. One thing I see time and time again in therapy are women losing their sense of self and intuition. Instead, they have taken ownership of self-doubt and indecisiveness. This creates an opportunity to be taken advantage of and to stay small. I believe your intuition will tell you what you need and where you need to go in this process. Letting go of self-doubt and indecisiveness will allow you to make decisions that are healthy for you during your divorce.
Embracing Your Imperfections.
You are perfectly imperfect. Women are often trying to hide their imperfections during a divorce. When news of a divorce or marital issues become public people want answers, they want to know why? Who is to blame? What happened? These answers and speculations protect them from their own fears about their relationship. They seek to find that puzzle piece that makes it all make sense. This leads the injured parties to feel like they have to present this united front of perfection. Perfection is the opposite of courage and vulnerability. Embrace those imperfections, because to be honest what other people think of you doesn’t matter. You are not supposed to be anyone other than who you are. When you show up you are going to get your butt kicked. Yes the more you show authentically, the more people will be able to judge you. Here’s what Brene says to the haters/judgers “A lot of cheap seats in the arena are filled with people who never venture onto the floor. They just hurl mean-spirited criticisms and put-downs from a safe distance. The problem is, when we stop caring what people think and stop feeling hurt by cruelty, we lose our ability to connect. But when we’re defined by what people think, we lose the courage to be vulnerable. Therefore, we need to be selective about the feedback we let into our lives. For me, if you’re not in the arena also getting your ass kicked, I’m not interested in your feedback.”
Ground Yourself With Compassion.
Being courageous comes with some risks particularly the risk that the feedback you receive from others may reshape who you are. I often share with my patients that we are holding up a mirror to others, when we receive feedback from others they are often responding to the mirror we are projecting back to them. That image is not yours to take ownership of. So how do we ground ourselves during this time of incredible pain and growth? We practice self-compassion, we look at ourselves through the lens of love and kindness and we free ourselves from the burden of regret.
Sometimes it’s a struggle to just get out of bed in the morning if you’re in the middle of a divorce or separation. I see you and you are already a courageous soul, these tips are suggestions to amplify your courageous spirit.
If you are looking for support during your divorce I invite you to check out our support club. www.jesscline.com/membership
This article is originally published at your tango
4 Tips on How to be Courageous During Your Divorce
May 1, 2019